Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Pandora's Mailbox

Ever since I was old enough to know what getting mail was all about, I've loved it. And I mean the old-fashioned, U.S. Postal Service, printed on paper type mail. Opening the mailbox is like opening a present. Sometimes you get something wonderful. Sometimes you get junk you wish you could return.

My first memory of receiving mail was getting the birthday cards from my aunt and uncle.

 They sent me money in those. CASH! That probably set me up to anticipate the mail delivery eveyr day. No one send me cash now though. Damn!
I received toys in the mail from sending in cereal box-tops, sea monkeys that I bought for a dollar and itching powder that I never quite got the courage to use on my pesky younger brother. Getting mail was fun then!

It's not as much fun now. Now I get things called bills and stuff called "junk mail." I'm sure there's an enchanted forest somewhere that's been leveled just to make the paper for the junk mail I get. I can almost hear the 7 dwarfs crying.

Not a day goes by that I don't get at least one credit card offer in the mail. These people check your credit, right? They know your income, right? So do they have me confused with Mrs. Bill Gates, or what? I recently received na offer of a credit line "up to $250,000."

Oh Goodie!!!!

Now I can have an in-ground pool put in the yard, buy a few more cars and still be able to hire a cabana boy, named Ramon, to sunblock my back. The same offer said I'd also get "concierge service" with their credit card. Hmmm. Isn't a "concierge" a guy who stnads outside a hohtel or apartment building and calls a taxi for you? I looked up "concierge" in the dictionary and here's what it said:

"An attendant at the entrance of a building who observes those entering and leaving, handles mail, and acts as a janitor."

So, it appears this credit card is going to send over some guy to stand outside my home, get my mail and scoop out the cat's litter pan too? Man, what a deal! I wonder if he cleans windows too?

Over the past few weeks I've gotten offers in the mail for all sorts of free items. Companies want to sendme free boooks, magazines, CDs, recipes and even a free pattern collection for crocheted Barbie gowns.

Now there's a not item! Geesh.

Had they included some free Ken crocheted ensembles, I may have sent them an order.

Uh huh......

I won't write about all the mail I get that is actually my bills. I almost start to cry whenever I think about those. I can't write about those without having a paramedic standing by. Blah.

Happy Wednesday everyone. May you all find a nice surprise in your mail today.

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