The Honesty of Small Children...Yikes!

Easter is getting close and I'm looking forward to seeing family members. I can't wait to see my niece, K...who is now a married momma with three of the cutest boys you've ever seen! Love those little guys! You never know what they'll say next, but it's always amusing. Recently, the oldest boy told his brother that the Tooth Fairy had died.

   

You can always count on little kids to be blunt and to-the-point when it comes to their opinions on things. I like that. However, it does remind me of a time, long ago, when K was just a tiny little girl. I used to "borrow" K, back before I had children of my own. I'd take her to Disney movies, shopping and lunch and then give her back to her mother when she got cranky. It was GREAT! 

Anyway....one such day, K and I were enjoying a wonderful day of fun together. She was dressed in a cute little dress, all ruffles and bows, and had ribbons tied in her pretty blonde hair.

That's not really a picture of K. I don't have one on my computer at the moment, so Shirley Temple will have to stand in.

Everywhere I went with K, that day, people commented on how pretty and sweet this little angel of a child was! I was sooooo proud!
K and I decided to have lunch at a very nice restaurant. It was lunch-hour on a weekday, so the place was packed. We were seated next to a table of attractive ladies dressed in business suits. Most of them were wearing high-heels.

K noticed this.

"Aunt Maudie, look at those shoes," she said.
"I see them," I replied.
"But Aunt Maudie, look at those shoes!, she said again.
"Yes honey. I see," I muttered as I looked over the menu selections.
"But Aunt Maudie. Look at THAT lady's shoes! That one right there!, K loudly insisted.
I glanced up to see K was frantically pointing at one of the women's feet. She had a very serious look on her face.

*again...not really K, but ...well...too bad!

The woman, who seemed to have the most fascinating shoes in the world, was smiling at K. All of the women at the table were smiling.
"Oh, isn't she adorable? What an angel," said the lady with the fascinating shoes to her lunch friends.

K was still pointing at the woman's feet and said, even more loudly, "Those shoes! Those shoes! Look Aunt Maudie!"
What I did next was REALLY stupid! I wasn't a Mom yet and didn't know how darned honest, open and LOUD a little kid could be.

I looked at K and said, "I see the nice lady's shoes honey. Those are really pretty shoes, aren't they?"
Truly, I really didn't want, or expect, a four-year-old's honest opinion on footwear. But that's what I got!

K looked at me, turned to face that table full of business women and laughingly announced in a voice loud enough to be heard in Germany, "Oh no Aunt Maudie. Those are the dumbest shoes I've ever seen!"

"Why is that lady wearing those shoes? Doesn't she know they're funny shoes?"

"They make her feet look really big too. She must have giant feet! Those are the biggest feet I've ever seen!"

"Those feet are bigger than my Daddy's feet!"

Dear Lord....the child wouldn't shut up about those damned shoes! I was about to soil my pants! (Maudie has decided not to use the "S" word in her blog. Use your imagination people. Do I have to do everything here? I mean...you know!)
I didn't know what to do.

I didn't know how to stop K!
"Why does that lady have big clown feet and funny clown shoes?" Dear little K was on a freakin' roll!

I really don't remember what happened next.
I honestly don't.
I think I passed out.
Or maybe I was knocked unconscious by a sharp blow to the head, caused by a large, ugly clown high heel?

So, from time to time when I see my sweet K and her family. I'll remind her of this story. She will be sure to not recall it. Kids have the gift of not having to recall all sorts of stupid crap they do when they're little. I, however, will never forget it.

And that's a picture of David Beckham.

He has nothing to do with this story.
He has nothing to do with my blog.
He has nothing to do with Easter or shoes.

But it's a great way to finish a blog page when you're tired of typing. 

Have a splendid day everyone!

This is NOT The Family Room!

I spent a fun evening, the other night, with a great group of my gal-pals! So much fun was had, that I'll have to do another post on it sometime soon. The conversation I had with one of my friends, inspired today's writing...so here goes...

Everyone knows what they'd wish for in a perfect dream house. My wish would be for a hidden bathroom, with a location known only to me, where I could have complete privacy.

You think I'm aiming too low in wishing for a bathroom?
Ha!
I have kids, cats and a cell phone.

It was worse when the kids were younger. I couldn't find a time, back then, when I wasn't disturbed, while in the bathroom! I told the kids that the bathroom is a place where we all have to have moments of "privacy." Back then, it somehow failed to sink into their high IQ brains when it came to MY privacy!
I used to get visits from my little princess when I took showers. I eventually got used to her "visits." Once, long ago, while I was shaving my legs in the shower, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a shadow creep over the surface of the shower curtain.

"Who is it? I said loudly.
The shadow didn't answer me. Nearer and nearer it came, slowly advancing on poor, defenseless me.
"WHO'S IN HERE?" I yelled a bit louder.
Still no comment from the threatening shadow!
At this point, what was on my mind?
Well sure......NORMAN BATES WAS ON MY MIND!!!!!
Who hasn't had a disturbing thought of that guy at least once while taking a shower?

The Norman Bates-like shadow was just on the other side of the shower curtain. I grabbed the only weapon I could find....my value-sized, big-ass bottle of shampoo. I held it high, ready to club Norman before he could stab me!
The curtain was pulled open with a WOOSH!
I screamed! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.

There stood my princess, screaming back at me in terror. Then she began to cry. I'd scared the poo out of her. Bad Momma!
And, she'd only wanted to show me how she'd given her new Barbie doll a nice crew cut.

Do I still get uneasy when I see a shadow on the shower curtain? You bet your soap-on-a-rope I do! It's the reason I didn't have perfectly shaved legs until I finally tossed the designer shower curtain and bought a clear one!
Even now, with a clear glass shower...I still peek out, every now and then, watching for some nutcase Norman. Thankfully, the only visitor I have now, is a cat. She hears me singing in the shower and comes to see if the sound is another cat, being tortured.


Ah well...time to shower!
I'll continue my thoughts on bathroom privacy (what a topic. But Maudie doesn't shy away from such things!) another time.

Until then.....keep clean and watch your back! Wash your back too please.

Love and hugs,
Maudie

Pandora's Mailbox

Ever since I was old enough to know what getting mail was all about, I've loved it. And I mean the old-fashioned, U.S. Postal Service, printed on paper type mail. Opening the mailbox is like opening a present. Sometimes you get something wonderful. Sometimes you get junk you wish you could return.

My first memory of receiving mail was getting the birthday cards from my aunt and uncle.

 They sent me money in those. CASH! That probably set me up to anticipate the mail delivery every day. No one sends me cash now though. How sad!
I received toys in the mail from sending in cereal box-tops, sea monkeys that I bought for a dollar and itching powder that I never quite got the courage to use on my pesky younger brother. Getting mail was fun then!

It's not as much fun now. Now I get things called bills and stuff called "junk mail." I'm sure there's an enchanted forest somewhere that's been leveled just to make the paper for the junk mail I get. I can almost hear the 7 dwarfs crying.

Not a day goes by that I don't get at least one credit card offer in the mail. These people check your credit, right? They know your income, right? So do they have me confused with Mrs. Bill Gates, or what? I recently received an offer of a credit line "up to $250,000."

Oh Goody!!!!

Now I can have an in-ground pool put in the yard, buy a few more cars and still be able to hire a cabana boy, named Ramon, to sunblock my back. The same offer said I'd also get "concierge service" with their credit card. Hmmm. Isn't a "concierge" a guy who stands outside a hotel or apartment building and calls a taxi for you? I looked up "concierge" in the dictionary and here's what it said:

"An attendant at the entrance of a building who observes those entering and leaving, handles mail, and acts as a janitor."

So, it appears this credit card is going to send over some guy to stand outside my home, get my mail and scoop out the cat's litter pan too? Man, what a deal! I wonder if he cleans windows too?

Over the past few weeks I've gotten offers in the mail for all sorts of free items. Companies want to send me free books, magazines, recipes and even a free pattern collection for crocheted Barbie gowns.

Now there's a hot item! But, I'm not certain with who.

Had they included some free Ken crocheted ensembles, I may have sent them an order.

Uh huh......

I won't write about all the mail I get that is actually my bills. I almost start to cry whenever I think about those. I can't write about those without having a paramedic, or a concierge, standing by. Blah.

Enjoy your day everyone. May you all find a nice surprise in your mail today.